Discovering Men Secret Laws
Men are not really relational and it helps to get what rules they live by, of course they do not discuss them but it is get to get their Secret Doctrine.
The International Council of Man Laws.
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss’s car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.
4: If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
5: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate’s fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate’s birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy’s choice.
7: In the TAXI, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
8: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who’s playing.
9: You may f@rt in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven), she’s officially your girlfriend.
10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach … and it’s delivered by a topless model and only when it’s free.
11: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to deliberately kick another guy in the nuts.
12: Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.
13: Friends don’t let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
14: If a man’s fly is down, that’s his problem, you didn’t see anything.
15: Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
16: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
17: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that’s just greedy.
18: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you’d better be talking about his choice of beer.
19: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she’s withholding love pending your response.
20: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
Read Also
It seems men are scared of being gay and every moment they dread doing what can be deemed gay.
This made me laugh, it is so well observed.
10 made me laugh.
Not a bad list…
The one about women & sports is hilarious, and oh so true. Every guy fears the girl who loves sports but either 1) is just trying to reel a guy in, and is planning to ambush him with clothes shopping or some such, or even worse 2) Is the insane woman fan who thinks she is (insert team or player)’s mom and goes into a blind rage if (team or player) is made fun of.
Classic.
A great list, and sort of true to boot!
Wow, thanks, I didn’t really know a lot of this stuff.
But then again, my mom was a feminist and my family was left lib, so I didn’t get the whole “man” education. Enough, though.
I love this list. Its indirectly true
[...] also: Men’s Secret laws Tagged with: Bad Date, Blind dates, convicts, Deal Breakers, Drugs, Fantasy, hip hop artists, [...]
Huh. I’m breaking some of these laws constantly. I’m such a rebel!
ad 1: It was raining, I was wearing a t-shirt and a teacher of mine was like “Hell, you better get under that umbrella”. And he’s definitely not gay, he’s actually a masher.
ad 2: I cried about a variety of things, but never about any of those 4 mentioned. And nobody ever looked at me all weirded out…well, but it was always in company of good friends, not some random guys.
ad 4: A friend of mine (not one I know really well, but definitely since more than 24 hours) is helping me hook up with his sister.
ad 10: I actually prepare some fruity drinks every now and then, and I’ve never heard a guy friend complain about them.
What the hell is up with guys following all these rules…not convinced of their heterosexuality or what?
PS: Yeah, I’m a bit late, but I only found this blog today.
[...] also: Men’s Secret laws Tagged with: Coffee, interior design, shops « Comparing [...]
As an addendum to #20: Never butt slap/spank a friend in the restroom. That’s just not, manly. I’ve been seeing a lot of that recently, and it’s very disturbing.